If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down.

There are different ways to enjoy sex after marriage.

1) Smurf Sex: This happens during the honey-moon, you both keep it up until you're blue in your faces.

2) Kitchen Sex: This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime.

3) Bedroom Sex: You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have kids, so you got to do it in bedroom.

4) Hallway Sex: This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say: "Fuck you!"

5) Courtroom Sex: This is when you get divorced and the bitch fucks you before the judge and everyone else in court!

Yo momma is so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.

A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work.

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."

What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?

They both wriggle when you eat them.

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and use a lubricant.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell ... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"�

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No"� replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot"�

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who you are talking to, you idiot?"�

"No!"� replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!"� replied the trainee and kept the phone down